After getting the hang of writing my reflective journal I
decided to experiment with different ways of writing. I have tried many different ways so far:
Making lists, drawing spider diagrams, evaluating the day, questioning myself...in
fact after trying a few different styles it was difficult for me to pin point
which style I was trying because in the end they all began to merge with one
another to create a style personal to me.
The one style which I did not enjoy was drawing. Drawing
just doesn’t come very naturally to me, I even have to label stick men so I
wasn’t able to relax into what I was thinking about and instead just thought
about whether the drawings were understandable or not.
I also enjoyed having a go at writing a short poem or verse
about the events of the day although here I couldn’t express everything that I
wanted to but I’m not going to give this up after reading some of Adesola’s
poems which are very powerful. I’d like to be able to teach myself to think and
write as she does. Here is a link to her poems:http://adesolaa.blogspot.com/2010/11/poem-4.html
Although I wasn't writing all my thoughts while creating the poems they did stir up a lot of deeper thoughts about the day so I found the poem an aid in to then writing an evaluation of my thoughts and feelings.
Although I wasn't writing all my thoughts while creating the poems they did stir up a lot of deeper thoughts about the day so I found the poem an aid in to then writing an evaluation of my thoughts and feelings.
I also found it helpful to make notes or an ongoing list
throughout the day if I knew it was going to be a busy day. Sometimes what
would be important on a normal day could get forgotten about on a busy day
because there is so much going on it doesn’t seem to have had such an impact.
But I found that even if I don’t write about something in detail it won’t be
forgotten if I have made a few notes about it earlier.
Videos certainly help me to critically reflect as I have
found out in the past few days watching myself on the show DVD’s in a rehearsal
our dance captain organised and also whilst filming my show reel which I’m
putting together at the moment. I discovered that when watching myself back I am
only able to see the negative things and things which I can improve on. I am
unable to easily say if something looked good or even ok.
Looking back over my reflective journal so far I can see
that I write a lot of negative comments. I put myself down a lot and by writing
them I believe it even more. I’ve started to write a lot more motivationally
and when I am writing negatively I’m trying to pick out positive points and
write about them too and where I can, improve on the negatives so hopefully I
will start to believe these or at least put myself in a more positive mindset.
I’ve found that the journal has become my unspoken voice of
thoughts that if I don’t write down I won’t hear and I’ve realised it is
important to address even the most obvious as sometimes there are deeper
feelings to these thoughts that can be holding me back.
An example of this is
my show reel. I have been putting off
making it for weeks but after finally booking the stage and arranging a time to
have the lights on with the stage manager I HAD to do it. I found myself
getting so frustrated and realised that the reason I had been putting off
making the show reel was in fact because I knew even if I performed to the best
of my ability that in my eyes my work would not be good enough to send to an
employer because I can always see what is wrong with what I am doing and not
what is right.
If I had written about thinking about making a show reel in
my reflective diary then maybe I would have figured out why I was putting it
off before it actually came to making it and possibly done something about it
like tried to motivate myself into making it and talk about the positive things
of myself as a dancer so that maybe I could have seen these when playing back
the video, not just the bad things.
A reflective journal is going to help me enormously with my
work. It has taken me a long time to realise this but the journal is helping me
to learn more about myself and I can see where I’m holding myself back and begin
to address this.
I’m looking forwards to carrying on my journal writing
throughout the course now and seeing how much I will have learned looking back
at the end.
Some really profound thinking shared here. I think it takes time to move through those negative thoughts to get to the more productive conversation with yourself. That is why keeping at the journal is so useful. The poem you referenced that I wrote was about starting back in class after an injury. That was about a year ago now. Now I am further away from it, I can see I was a friend to myself by keeping going even though it felt like I had lost so much of what i trained to achieve. I have a different relationship with my body now after the injury. I did not think the poem was very good when I wrote it but now that the emotion of my own disappointment with myself is less I can appreciate the poem more. You might find that about your own negative thoughts.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work
Adesola
Emily professional life often coincides with personal life - found this link today http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2011/10/four_ways_women_stunt_their_careers.html
ReplyDeletefinding out that the negatives are outwaying the positives right now is a good way of looking at what you are doing - for me it is procrastination! so I try to unpack a lot and get on with the jobs. Positive solutions are a good start - good blog - personal but written about a professional reality.
Emily,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing so many personal thoughts within your blog. I can see how easy it must be to use your journal as a place to 'go on a downer' and be very negative, but it's great that you have realised this and are starting to be more positive in your reflections.
I am starting my journal writing today. I plan to use each method outlined in the module 1 handbook and may add in a few of my own or that other's have mentioned (I love the idea of a poem, though am not sure how successful I will be at that, haha). I hope then that I will find a method that really works for me and that helps me to really reflect on my professional practice.
I am slightly worried that I am going to go off on a tangent and start writing about personal events that are perhaps not relevant. Any tips on how to focus on just my professional life without losing the ability to write freely?? Thanks Emily xxx
Hi Emily,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are finding the huge benefits already of keeping a reflective journal. I too feel I am finding out things about myself that before I didn't even realise about how I learn and my deeper thoughts and feelings. I think it's normal for us to be critical of ourselves, but playing on the positives is what we must do in order to get that role, or job. Jumping in and getting on with tasks that we tend to out off is normally the best way of facing our fears. I too am putting together a DVD at the moment, some times it is frustrating when you don't get the good 'takes' right away, but with persistance it will hopefully improve, and then every take will be useable. I find writing the journal makes me think about my corrections, which I then take in and use in rehearsals. I liked writing from my partners point of view, it made me be more positive about myself and my dancing. Lists are also great when there's not much time!
I like that you experimented with poems, maybe I will try it too.
Hi Emily!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Alicia, and I'm sure lots of others out there, that it is completely natural to feel critical of ourselves and in times be hyper critical. It's what I've learnt from my journal writing experience. The most positive way I found my journal entry came out was the list. I was feeling down about my dance classes I was teaching and found writing a list of dance moves and how I would describe really helped me to remember the passion and enthusiasm I have for teaching and imparting knowledge. I didn't try the poem outlook but may do so to see if it too will alleviate the negativity!
I look forward to reading more about your reflections as you have a great way with words and putting your thoughts down.